Guilt

The Soviet Union is falling apart at the seams. Lithuania demands to secede, Azerbaijan and Soviet Armenia are at nearly civil war…meanwhile, in Cambridge, all is quiet, or not, as usual….

I shopped with Chris and Patrick in London for computers, that is, word processors, Saturday, and found a fair one on special for £350+VAT (15%), so I plan to return to London this afternoon to buy it. Chris will help me carry it. Nice to have friends—what would I do about that in Paris? Meanwhile, I’m feeling guilty spending a day or two not doing my work. I always feel guilty if I don’t spend the daytime doing my “job,” whether that job be paid (watering plants or writing public relations copy) or unpaid (researching and writing for school work purposes). But I never feel drive to work nights or weekends, like some people In any case after buying this word processor, I’ll probably spend another day learning it. I only have 2 weeks until my first 15,000 words are due! Oh, well, if I’m a little late, no earth-shaking disaster.

—Jan. 15, 1990, Cambridge, England